Sunday, March 12, 2006

Hate Mail Archives 3

Here's some leftovers for you to munch on after you're done eating Floyd's asshole.

* HBO: Seriously, Floyd only needed to see The Chronicles of Riddick once. Please, for fuck sake, stop running this filth.










* Marriott: What the fuck inspires a chain of hotels to eliminate smoking rooms altogether? Scud missile time.








* Flag Burners: Floyd supports your right to burn the United States flag so long as you support Floyd's right to kick the ever loving shit out of you when you do.







* 16 Fucking Assholes: Click here, fuckers











* Hezbollah: Floyd's got something for you diaperheads. Floyd thinks it's time for us to stop being pussies and mushroom these assclowns.







* Bostonians: The dumbest of fucks. $14.6 billion for a fucking tunnel, let alone one that's all fucked up. Floyd laments how retarded (pronounced re-tah-did if you're a dumbfuck Bostonian) an entire city can be. Collect up all of these morons, put them in the fucking tunnel and let it collapse. Time to thin the herd.



* Syd Barrett: Floyd bids a fond farewell to Pink Floyd co-founder, dead at 60. Shine on.








* Floyd: Floyd still kicks the shit out of all you asscrammers. Try and create anything close to this, fuckers.











* Scott Duster: Floyd laments that a certain assrammer cried like a fucking pussy that his listing was being moved. This regardless of him never updating his crappy site Duster the Motherfucker or even showing a hint of being a man in the carnal sense.








* Your Daughter's Virginity: She begged Floyd to take it from her. Don't worry, Floyd gave her something in return - down her throat.





* Panhandling Bongo-Playing Dirty Hippie Fucks: No description necessary.











* Skateboarders: Get a life, fucking faggots.









* Robosaurus: 40 foot tall, fire-breathing, car eating machine. Every fucking household should have one. Yes, that's an actual car in its claws.






* Boreback Mountain: One of Floyd's bitches talked him into watching this filth. Even the gay porn scenes were fucking boring. Ever watch paint dry or snails fuck? Riveting as compared to this monkey shit.







* JoeCartoon.com: This is some funny shit! Most memorable quotes: "I was frequently shaved against my will by Michael Jackson's monkey", "Mickey Mouse is an Uncle Tom living in a white man's castle while we stand oppressed", and "Janet Reno is the fire that ignites my loins". Fuck yeah.



* Lesbian Porn: Floyd recently reviewed his lists in full and laments the glaring lack of lesbian pornography. Consider this situation rectified.





* More Lesbian Porn: Because Floyd can.







* Funny Cartoons: As always, it's about the comedy.











* Hate Mailers: Not nearly enough brave souls lately! It makes Floyd's rectum itchy. Get off your asses and spread some hate, fuckers!









* Drunk Chicks: Just for the record, "dónde está el baño" does not mean "bend over backwards", but thanks for playing...










* Blogger, The Domain: While free, this system still sucks the big fat one.




* Midget Beers: What fucking douchebag thought this up? Floyd wants larger beers, not smaller. Fuck! Floyd doesn't speak Spanish, so he had no idea he was buying midget beers until it was too fucking late. Crotch crickets!








Don Julio: Fucking asshole! Floyd's head hurts...











Floyd's Useless Fuckstain Readers: No more contests for you.











* Ben: The ass-fucker broke Floyd's nose! It was worth every bit of it.

30 Hate Mails:

Blogger Jege (Jen) dribbled...

Heh-heh...great picture of Ben.

7:41 AM  
Blogger Floyd's Lists dribbled...

That's how he usually looks...

1:01 PM  
Blogger Floyd's Lists dribbled...

More queefing from moussy douche Ben:

Wow, fucker!

Where's my last fucking hate mail? Too proud to show the world that it was I, the almighty Ben, was the one who prompted your unorganized ass to make your hate mails more accessible. I can already see your reply, you dipshit:

"Floyd hates himself for letting Ben any shot it on him. Floyd would stab himself in the heart if his wrists weren't so limp."

P.S. Even with a dick on my face I look better then you.

11:28 AM  
Blogger Crystal dribbled...

is that a red penis on his cheek?

1:16 PM  
Blogger Floyd's Lists dribbled...

Yes - just like he likes it...

2:03 AM  
Blogger Floyd's Lists dribbled...

How appropriate that his name was Bart. As Floyd is certain you already know, Ben has confided to many of his desire to have several cocks on his face at the same time.

2:31 PM  
Blogger Floyd's Lists dribbled...

It was a harder slap than the one Floyd uses on your momma. Floyd cordially invites you to eat a booger.

8:37 AM  
Blogger Jim V dribbled...

you appear to have been mentioned on http://cyclinggeeks.blogspot.com

7:48 AM  
Blogger The Rogue Jew dribbled...

Floyd, My G-d you crack me the fuck up! I laughed so hard reading this shit. Keep it up man! By the way, I am one of those asshole Cartoonists!

8:50 AM  
Blogger Floyd's Lists dribbled...

Floyd is always happy to receive the Rouge Jew. Floyd encourages you to review all of the lists as the new listings eventually become old and need to be placed in their permanent spots among the malcontents of society.

Jim, you ignorant slut. The site you refer is about some cock-smoking bicycle faggot. Floyd was done with his bike when he began driving. Floyd cordially invites you to blowdry his nutsack.

Duster, didn't Floyd see you giving head to another man the other night?

4:07 PM  
Blogger Floyd's Lists dribbled...

All of Floyd's invitations are cordially presented. Like, really.

12:00 PM  
Blogger Floyd's Lists dribbled...

Dicksmack? Did Floyd deserve that? Perhaps you would like to personally come and smack Floyd's dick? And fuck organic! Only chemically altered vegetables for Floyd's rectum.

12:34 PM  
Blogger Dustin dribbled...

don julio?

no no non nnon0ononoooooooo

god dammit
Patron = no headaches
I leave the rest to marriage

11:34 PM  
Blogger Floyd's Lists dribbled...

Her whiskers tickled Floyd's balls...

11:12 AM  
Blogger Floyd's Lists dribbled...

Anne must realize at some time in her life that skidmarks on men's underwear should be considered "normal wear-and-tear". Until she grows thick, coarse hair out of her bunghole, she has no clue.

Toxic Twat has much to answer for! All this time Floyd has been pondering where you might be, and never checked the motherfucking Canberra airport. What kind of fucking horseshit is it when blowjobs are given to pay for your charm school and you (1) don't get to go to charm school and (2)don't get a fucking blowjob!

If you ask Floyd, this is pure excrement.

3:00 AM  
Blogger Floyd's Lists dribbled...

Not everyone likes a fist in the pooper like you do.

7:45 AM  
Blogger Jege (Jen) dribbled...

I am captivated by Anne's use of the term "meat stick".

9:33 AM  
Blogger Jege (Jen) dribbled...

Those goddamn bongo-playing hippie panhandler fucks.....

"Do you like, have any spare change, man?"

Fuck you. Put down the fucking bongos, and get a goddamn job. I don't work my ass off so you can sit around on the street corner and play hackeysack all day long, fucker. And for fuck's sake, DEODORANT!!!!!!!! You smell like a goddamn Gyro cart.

10:00 AM  
Blogger Floyd's Lists dribbled...

Floyd has identified the scent as "Old Ape-Ass".

10:08 AM  
Blogger Floyd's Lists dribbled...

Jege deserves the credit.

7:32 AM  
Blogger Floyd's Lists dribbled...

Ah, the comfort of tits. The tattoo is familiar.

9:35 PM  
Blogger Jege (Jen) dribbled...

Farewell, Syd.

3:30 PM  
Blogger Floyd's Lists dribbled...

Without Syd, there would have been no Pink Floyd. Without Pink Floyd, then Floyd's name might have been Lennon or something fucking stupid like that. Plus, Syd's music and lyrics are still some of the coolest shit Floyd has ever encountered. Although out of the public eye for some time, he will still be missed. Floyd can only hope that the remaining members of the band can quit their fucking squibbling and do a US tour, perhaps in honor of their fallen brethren.

12:03 PM  
Blogger Floyd's Lists dribbled...

Twatty should know that Floyd wears no pants. Can't you tell by the grin?

12:41 AM  
Blogger watersoul dribbled...

"pronounced re-tah-did if you're a dumbfuck Bostonian"
I am officially laughing. Thanks!

8:52 AM  
Blogger Floyd's Lists dribbled...

Floyd is unfortunate enough to have to talk to dumbfuck Bostonians on a regular basis. The phrase "English as a second language" comes to mind. A simple guide to dumbfuck:

The letter "r" should not sound like "ah" (as in "retahded")

The letter "a" should not sound like an "o" (as in "let's go to the moll" or "I need some wotah")

Fuck!

9:57 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous dribbled...

Regarding Assholes for sale on eBay; I find this puzzling in the extreme. Surely, everyone in the world has noticed that they are surrounded by fucking assholes--why would anyone purchase more?

Unless it is to kill them? Slowly and painfully?

10:53 AM  
Blogger Floyd's Lists dribbled...

Floyd finds this amusing. Criticism of a blog from someone who has the sum total of one picture of a dog as their entire blog. Floyd imagines this would be the extent of your creative abilities. Fuck you very much and thanks for stopping by, douchebag.

8:31 AM  
Blogger Floyd's Lists dribbled...

Floyd laments the lack of reading comprehension associated with some of his fuckstain readers. Perhaps if you care to take a remedial course on reading, you might notice one of Floyd’s lists is “People Who Don’t Suck”. Additionally, you will also notice such listing titles as “This Is Just Funny”, “New Words” which thanked someone for the word “slunt”, a tribute to “Syd Barrett”, a tribute to “Robosaurus”, a tribute to “JoeCartoon.com”, “Lesbian Porn”, “Funny Cartoons”, “Canadians”, “Toxic Twat” (the blogger, not the actual substance, and “Jack In The Box” to name a few. There is also a “Floyd’s Man of the Year 2005”.

Floyd refers to himself in the third person because he can, so deal with it. This is not a “friends-only” site and playing along is encouraged. Pursuant to reading comprehension, note in the first paragraph of the site: “Attempt, if you might, to leave some hate mail here, or receive your very own guaranteed response by emailing your feeble grime to floydslists@hotmail.com.” Floyd cordially invites you to continue to take his abuse here. Floyd also cordially invites you to polish his knob.

9:25 AM  
Blogger Floyd's Lists dribbled...

Only if there is a cherry on top.

9:36 AM  

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