In General, Shit That Sucks

* Floyd's Readers: You fuckers all suck. Floyd can't even remember the last time he saw hate mail. Eat a booger.




* Jihadists: Fuck PC, folks. Radical Muslims (percentage of all Muslims?) want Floyd dead. They’re willing to kill themselves in order to make Floyd dead. This is BEFORE they read anything Floyd writes. This is BEFORE Floyd's opinion offends them. This is BEFORE Floyd's language offends them. This is BEFORE Floyd laughs at them while they are naked pig-piled for cameras, and then queef like little pussies about it. All is good with Allah when the fucker is slicing the head off Floyd's neighbor, sure! But after they are captured, and are forced to expose their genitals in front of (gasp) women and (heavy sigh) a camera and (snicker) several of his sick-fuck asshole terrorist buddies, suddenly morality is a major issue to these fucking jagoff douchebags. Not that Floyd needs to defend himself to you douchebags, but Floyd wants to be very clear about this: Floyd's opinion is not that naked pig-piling terrorists is acceptable. It’s amusing to an asshole like Floyd, but that’s why he's not in charge of military operations. This is not the way America wants to see our armed forces treating prisoners, even the most foul of offenders. Nonetheless, asshole terrorist fucks are still assholes for crying foul on this, considering the horrors they have inflicted upon legitimately innocent victims. The more innocent the victim, the prouder these assholes seem to be.

* Trick or Treaters: This is all Floyd needs in life: a day where all the bastard neighborhood fuckface pain-in-the-browneye kids put on their $2.99 shitty Wal-Mart costumes and beg for candy. All the other days of the year, these booger-eaters do absolutely nothing for Floyd. Then, they come and demand candy. Try and give Bratley something healthy instead of candy and they come back later to demolish your personal property. If there is one day a year Floyd wishes he were a convicted sex offender, it would be Halloween.

* Asshole Parents That Ignore Their Obnoxious Kids: This one is pretty simple, folks. If your little Brutus P. Snotley is prone to throw shit fits, DON'T TAKE THEM ON A LATE FLIGHT. Perhaps Floyd was more interested in sleeping than listening to your fucking brat screech for over three motherfucking hours! Fuck a duck!

* Clowns: Floyd fucking hates clowns.









* Conspiracy Theorists: FDR orchestrated the attack on Pearl Harbor; GWB flew the 9/11 planes by remote control; JFK wasn't shot, he was abducted by aliens; Bill Clinton didn't really fuck his intern with a cigar; etc. Remove the tin foil cap from thy head, and then remove thy head from thy ass. Fuckwads!


* The Rat That Ate Florida: Fuck Disney with a stick!








* Mean Little Doggies: An easy rule of thumb is this: if the dog is the size of a football, then you should punt it. Any smaller than a football, name it Appetizer.









* L'Equipe: What the fuck! Let's just include all the vermin known as the French while we're at it. You smelly fuckers are going to fertilize your own shitty vineyards when the next nation decides to march in on you. Go fuck yourself with a baseball bat if you think one penny of Floyd's money will go towards saving your worthless cunts.

* Anyone Claiming The Media Is Right-Wing Biased: 100 percent pure unadulterated excrement. It’s difficult enough to deal with the moronic argument about whether the media gives conservatives a fair shake (they don’t) or whether the media gives liberals massive leeway (they do). Facts don’t support the claims of the left on this one. Sorry, but you fuckers have the benefit of both news and entertainment outlets to disseminate your ideals and you’re still losing elections. Eat shit.

* Any Dumbfuck That Tells Floyd His Gun Should Be Illegal: When it comes to gun control, Floyd always says "if Hitler wanted it, then it must be good". That's right, you commie-pinko-douchebag-hippie-stinking fucks: Hitler wanted gun control just like you. When you are all done lapping up the sweat from Floyd's ballsack, you might think closely about finishing up with Floyd's asshole, you Nazi fucking bastards.

* Celebrity Poker: What use does Floyd have for watching washed-up actors raising money for worthless idiot charities? Like Floyd really gives a rat fuck if Penny Marshall wants to make an ass of herself with a double ended dildo so that the poor children of Manhattan can have drama class!


* Discovery Channel: What sick fuck at this network made the decision to air "Face Eating Tumor"? Isn't it hard enough to have to look at Rosie O'Donnell on television? Must we see this horrific shit too? Christ!




* Texas Courts: Let's all give the dumbfucks in the Texas judicial system a big round of applause for their royal dipshit move. In 2001, Andrea Yates took her five children and drowned them one by one. Let's not trivialize this: she drowned 7-year-old Noah. She drowned 5-year-old John. She drowned 3-year-old Paul. She drowned 2-year-old Luke. She drowned 6-month-old Mary. She did this one at a time. At her trial, she pleaded insanity because she thought she was a bad mother. Guess what, you sick fucking bitch - you were right! This is the admitted slaughter of her own five children. So, how did the Texas courts do? In 2002 they were able to convict her on two counts of capital murder for the deaths of three of the five children. If anyone out there is an accountant, can you please explain this fucking bullshit to Floyd? Never mind - she was convicted of two, so she can go and ride the lightning. Wait! Not so, not anymore. The Texas courts in their infinite fucking wisdom have just thrown out the 2002 convictions. What in the bloody fuck is going on in Texas? Jesus F. Christ on a popsicle stick!

* Vegetarians: Fucking morons. Like it or not, humans are carnivores. That's what these teeth are for, you half-wits. Suck on kelp, fuckers.






* Assrammers That Become Clark Griswold At Christmas: Floyd can't sleep with all those fucking lights burning! Get a new hobby, like self-mutilation!





* Jerkoff Losers Who Type In All Capitals: Otherwise known as Caps Fucks. YO! MOTHERFUCKER! IT'S THE KEY TO THE LEFT OF YOUR "A" KEY. You know, "A" as in "asswipe"? Fucking tool!

*Anyone that says "dude" more than once in a sentence and/or anyone that cannot speak more than two sentences without saying "dude": Check it, fuckers: ugly people had their chance to get laid in the 60s. It's over for you, filthy animals! Get out of Floyd's politics, you fucking perverted, braindead assrammers!

* Anyone Who Says "It's All Good": Jege has provided Floyd with a decent description of this type of suck-ass: "cuntsmack motherfuckers". Floyd agrees.










* Liberal Activists: If Floyd has to hear one more sandpaper-pussy queef on about whales that need saving or the detestable living conditions of the Chilean Fruit Bat, he will go mental. Floyd owns firearms and is just about ready to use them.



* Bush-Hating-Soccer-Moms: Get a fucking job already!









* Loser Has-Beens: a Red-Cross/Salvation Army concert was broadcast tonight for the victims of Hurricane Katrina. Garth Brooks came out and completely decimated the Creedence Clearwater Classic "Who'll Stop The Rain". Floyd found himself asking "Who'll Stop The Shotgun-Wielding Pickup-Truck-Driving Cousin-Fucker From Botching A Classic Rock Legacy"? Then Floyd found himself asking "Was This Fat Fuck REALLY Popular At Some Point"? Then, Floyd saw something shiny on the floor and lost interest with these worthless fucks.



* Shitty Little Convenience Stores: Floyd thinks that Dave Chappelle called them Bodegas. Pictured here is an actual product Floyd felt it necessary to purchase. What in the bloody fuck does a baby have to do with Fish Sauce? Floyd prefers to think of this product as Baby Sauce and will use it on the next baby he char broils for dinner.